What I Want
This is the poem I wrote and recited with my sister, Summer, at my mother's funeral. Her passing was so difficult, but writing down my feelings and focusing on what I want to feel and think (And how I imagine she wants me to think and feel), is what helped me through it. Thinking about what my mother would want from us who remained, is where this poem came from. Enjoy the sorrow yet joy of loving and missing a loved one passed.
What I Want
Think of me when the weather changes and fall comes on.
Think of me when the cool breeze blows leaves across the lawn.
Feel me in the moments of hardship lifting you up.
Feel me in the moments of joy that runneth over your cup.
Hear me when your child cries out in need for you.
Hear my voice of gentleness and peace speaking through.
Touch the soft peddles of your gardens’ roses,
And feel my soft hand as the rose bud closes.
Speak of my love, my life and my laughter.
Speak of who I was and my belief in the after.
Trust in the plan and that I’m a part of it.
Trust I’ve gone on, and I'm only in transit.
Control your temper, control your anger.
Control your mind, let no doubt linger.
I am not gone, the past is bound.
We bind in heaven what on earth we found.
Sorrow is not in my separation from you.
Sorrow is in forgetting that you have virtue.
Happiness is not in living forever.
It’s in the end, when we live in heaven together.
My death had a purpose, I had my reasons.
To end my earthly life, to preserve other seasons.
Let my life give you peace, knowing what I lived for.
I lived for my family, and I live for them evermore.
Soon I’ll return to thee with newness of life.
We will bask in heaven, free of all strife.
I am not dead, I am not gone.
I know this because our love lives on.
A mother’s dream is that her kids remember her.
A wife’s wish is that no contentions ever stir.
A sister’s vow is to always be a friend.
And a woman’s errand is to every heart, mend.
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